Time For ME Dammit

I have been to the doctor. I have had a cat scan my head. I have been to another doctor. They drew blood. I've stopped consuming chocolate, oranges, red wine, and caffeine. Nothing has helped the frequent and moderate to severe headaches I have been having. They are essentially daily at this point. There's one thing I haven't worked, mostly because I'm not good at it. Plus, I don't know where to start. Stress.

Well, reduce stress to be specific. When you're a single mom, newly cohabitated so that alleviates a little of the 'doing it alone' aspect, who commutes to a 40 or more hour a week job, has a moody teen, an angry (as in needs anger management), controlling ex, who wakes up at 5 am just to have 5 minutes alone to consume her coffee while she dreams of going back to school if she could ever find the time, it is pretty fucking hard to find the stress that can be reduced or removed. (Yes I know that's a run on - I didn't have time to fix it. LOL)

Laughter helps. Maybe that's why I try to find the humor in life. I try to make people laugh. I enjoy when they laugh even if I wasn't trying. But my OBGYN said something to me when I went to talk to her about pre-menopause symptoms...she told me to take time for me. Me? Who the fuck has time for that? Maybe I need to make time. Of course, as I say this I sit on my fat ass that was supposed to go to the gym with Pretty in Pink...I begged off in part due to another severe, not quite migraine. If I am 100% honest though I also did not want to give up family time - as dysfunctional as it might be.

So, it's a small simple start but tonight I painted my nails. I am not a girly girl who always has perfectly polished or manicured nails by any means so this is actually a rare treat. Probably long before the weekend they will be chipped and flaky but at least for tonight my hands feel pretty. I guess starting this blog - and the corresponding accounts - are another present to myself. A small outlet where I can say anything and be anyone I want. I'm not good at being anyone but me...well, unless there is a script - I was a good actress back in the day...but I digress. 

I'm not trying to hide. Rather, I want to be 100% free to say whatever random craziness is running thru my head. Watch out world! MWAHAHAHA!